ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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