FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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