And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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