Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
