i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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