this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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