what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
