It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
