we're blogging at a bar
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
