she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
