ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
