I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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