anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
