You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
