I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
