I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
