discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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