1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
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