I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
