I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
