apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
