We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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