Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
