Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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