you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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