I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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