Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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