if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Welp...herpes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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