i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
