She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
