Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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