My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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