Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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