you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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