You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
