I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
