I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
