I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
