so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
