He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
