awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
