so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
