He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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