Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
