I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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