she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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