# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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