oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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