i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
