dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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