I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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