i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
