I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
