imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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