My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
