I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
