I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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