I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
