So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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