He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
